The Ersatz Election
Election day had reached its close at last.
The tension through the room was dense and strong.
Miss Tillis tallied every vote we’d cast,
but then, bewildered, uttered, “Something’s wrong…”
“Apologies to Jill and Angelo.
You ran a decent, dignified campaign,
but with a ballot cast for ‘I don’t know’,
it seems somebody’s chosen to abstain.”
“So as it stands, we’re tied at ten to ten.
Since none prevailed, determine what we’ll do:
Another vote, but risk this draw again?
Defenestrate the ballots and be through?”
The candidates retreated from the room,
to talk, debate, deliberate, discuss…
The classroom sat as silent as a tomb
’till their return, their choice revealed to us:
“We’ve reckoned that the undecided voice
should designate our winning nominee.
Empower them to make the outright choice
for leader of our class democracy.”
With glaring sneers and sinister disdain,
the students fussed, and cussed, and sussed to see
which milquetoast kid had managed to refrain,
and everyone deduced that it was me.
Accused, I rose, and sheepishly decried,
“You’re both my friends, and hence, I couldn’t choose.
It seems unfair that now I must decide,
which one of you shall win, and which should lose.”
Miss Tillis shushed the agitated class
which rankled from the words I had to say.
An understanding nod, she pried, “Alas,
who gets to be our president today?”
I muttered, “If it’s really up to me…
…then I elect…
And that is how our hamster came to be
the President of Classroom Two-Oh-Eight.