We live in the dirtiest house
Spaghetti smeared walls spattered noodly and red
Uncountable cooties make homes in our bed
A place where no visitors ever dare tread
We live in the dirtiest houseThe kitchen has counters half-covered in crust
Ten decades of dingy decaying disgust
Where even our roaches are covered in dust
We live in the dirtiest houseThere’s mud on the ceiling and crud on the door
There’s six feet of garbage piled up on the floor
You’ve never smelled nothing so nasty before
We live in the dirtiest houseWe can’t use the bathtub, it’s half-full of trout
Where algae and pond scum grow green in the grout
And no one will clean it, we’d rather move out
We live in the dirtiest houseAnd there on the window, that orangey smear
A great greasy goober from somebody’s ear
And this is the cleanest it’s been in a year
We live in the dirtiest house
